This evening, as we pulled in the Mickey's D's drive-thru(because we're all about the healthy eating), my daughter spotted the police cruiser in line a couple of cars ahead of us and said, "I didn't know McDonald's had doughnuts."
Kinda funny, right?
I had to take this opportunity to give my daughter some very good advice: Do not joke about doughnuts in front of a cop. They do not think it's funny. At all.
How do I know this? I used to work at a veterinary clinic and a state trooper was a regular client, bringing his police dog in for baths, toenail trims, veterinary care, etc. He came in one morning and I (innocently) asked him if he brought us any doughnuts. Now, in my defense, I asked a lot of people that. It usually made them laugh (and sometimes they brought us doughnuts!).
It did not make him laugh. It made him angry. It made him deliver a diatribe about how cops don't only eat doughnuts, that in fact he did not even like doughnuts (which, in my opinion, made him an even bigger asshat than getting all het about an innocent comment) and that I should be more respectful to a group of people who risk their lives on a daily basis to keep me and mine safe.
He seriously bitched at me for 5 minutes, even after I apologized and tried to explain that I wasn't making a cop/doughnut joke.
So. Do not joke about doughnuts to a police officer. Don't mention doughnuts at all in front of a police officer. If you work in a doughnut shop and a police officer walks in and orders some, do not laugh, and you might want to call them sweet bagels or something.
Other things you shouldn't say in front of a police officer:
1) "Whoo, do y'all smell bacon?" (I do not care if there is a pan of bacon frying right next to you, just don't do it.)
2) "Hey, buddy, I pay your salary, you know!" (It's just not a good idea. Do you like the people who pay your salary? I didn't think so!)
3) "That uniform makes you look a little 'hippy'" (Because, really, that's just mean.)
4) "Don't shoot!" (They won't think it's funny and they might, you know, shoot.)
For the record, I have all the respect in the world for police officers. But people with a humor deficit get on my very last fucking nerve.
In other news, possible big doins around here, blogwise. I'll keep y'all updated, but I will say, I'm pretty damned excited!
MMMMMMMMMMmmmmmmm.....Doughnuts. Although I am not working in the capacity of civilian law enforcement, the connection is easily made by our military community that yes, infact the MP's are just as drawn to the smell of Coffee and Doughnuts....mmmmm..sorry..got off track there....where were we? So....the stereotype aint goin no where....if the donut places would make us pay for it, we wouldnt go there as often....it wouldnt be cost effective for us.
Posted by: charlie | February 17, 2006 at 07:08 AM
The other day at Dunkin' Donuts? There were three cop cars outside. I kept driving because if I had gone in I might have laughed and that would not have been good.
Or there could have been a crime there, and in that case I wouldn't want to be there either.
Posted by: Jessie | February 17, 2006 at 09:30 AM
But the uniform DOES make them look hippy.
You'd only be telling the truth. Who gets killed for telling the truth...
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
That was a rhetorical question. of course.
Posted by: Dawn | February 17, 2006 at 10:23 AM
The very best donut jokes are told by my friends on the forum over at policemag.com.
Maybe they only like donut jokes when they're told by cops top cops (and various non-cop LEOs like me).
Oh, and Contrary is serious about the big blog news. It's very exciting! Y'all stay tuned, y'heah? (Oops. Was that a cop joke?)
Posted by: Pookie | February 17, 2006 at 10:58 AM
Sweet bagels...hehehe! Wow, what a blowhard.
Posted by: Jess R | February 17, 2006 at 02:21 PM
Wow. Who knew they could be so cranky?
What about scones? Can you make a joke about scones around them, or does their lack of humor extend to all baked goods?
Posted by: marshaTM | February 17, 2006 at 03:58 PM
Hello, I'm Contrary's Army son and I just managed to woo a rather large technician into wiring me up with DSL, so I'll be posting regularly here hopefully. Just wanted to say hi *note my mom is threatening to fly across the country to force me to post* and wish everyone a happy anything, I'm glad you all find my mom as amusing as I do and I hope you enjoy anything I may post...or not..yeah that works.
Scouts Out.
Posted by: Damos | February 17, 2006 at 04:22 PM
but theu seem to like them so much in the movies. is he saying the film industry has some adgenda?
Posted by: Jen | February 17, 2006 at 06:31 PM
Donut post jinx!
Posted by: Jenny | February 18, 2006 at 06:46 AM
Man, I don't know about y'all, but I could go for some doughnuts.
Jenny, no fair callin jinx! Because I said so. So there.
Posted by: Contrary | February 18, 2006 at 07:03 AM
ehh... really like this post ))
Posted by: Anal Tranny | October 31, 2009 at 04:05 PM